These feelings I can do without…
I scratched the 30 day shred for now, it jut wasn’t working with my schedule. Instead I picked up on running again (which pleased my bf because he got me new running shoes for Christmas). I started at week 5 of C25k last week which was rough the first day, so then I did day 1 again on Wed, proceeded to day 2 on Fri. This week Mon, I did two one miles with a five minute walk in between. Wed was a little worse; I did one mile, 2 min walk, half mile, 2 minute walk, half mile. Today I was considering skipping the gym because I’m not feeling the best, but my boyfriend convinced me to go “even if I have to go easy.” So I went, and before I knew it one mile was up and I could feel finishing the next mile within my grasp!! But then my iPod slipped and flew off the treadmill. I didn’t want to stop, so I kept going, periodically looking behind to see it was still there. But one time when I looked, it wasn’t. I freaked a little and ultimately decided to stop (at about 1.4 miles of jogging). It turns out the gym employee had picked it up, and then I was upset at myself for quitting. I still am. I was so close, and I just stopped for nothing. It’s this feeling of failure that I can do without. Then that spiraled into more negative thoughts and I’m left here hating how I could let myself stop when I was so close to this landmark and hating how I want to turn to junk food for consolation and hating how I feel so badly about myself and my appearance and its just not a good day, I’m sorry. :(
Maybe I can get to the gym tomorrow to make up for it.
10 months ago
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